The guest list gameplan: A couple’s Exercise
What You'll Need:
- 60 uninterrupted minutes
- Two notebooks or devices for notes
- Different colored pens or highlighting options
- Your favorite snacks (this might get interesting!)
- A calm, judgment-free zone
Let the Guest Count Games Begin!
Round 1: Individual Guest Draft (15 minutes)
Separately, then together
- Dream Team Draft (10 minutes): Independently, create your "dream" guest list without consulting each other. Include everyone you'd invite if space and budget were unlimited. Organize your list into these categories:
- Must-Have VIPs (immediate family, best friends)
- Important Supporting Cast (extended family, close friends)
- Supporting Ensemble (friends, colleagues, plus-ones)
- "Would Be Nice" Extras (distant relatives, casual acquaintances)
- Count Comparison (5 minutes): Reveal your total numbers to each other. Are they similar or wildly different? This gives you an initial sense of your guest list styles—are you both thinking intimate gathering or grand celebration?
Round 2: The Merge & Purge (15 minutes)
Together
- List Merger (10 minutes): Combine your lists, highlighting duplicate names (these are automatic includes!) and identifying names that appear on only one list.
- Quick Questions (5 minutes): For any guest that appears on only one list, ask each other these quick-fire questions:
- Have both of us met this person?
- Would we feel comfortable having a 10-minute conversation with them?
- Have we spoken to them in the past year?
- Would we be hurt if we weren't invited to their wedding?
- Will we likely still be in contact with them five years from now?
- The more "yes" answers, the stronger the case for including them.
Round 3: Reality Factors (15 minutes)
Together
- Budget Reality (5 minutes): Calculate a rough per-guest cost using this formula: (Total budget ÷ 2) ÷ potential guest count = per-guest budget Is this number comfortable for you? Remember that each guest adds costs for food, drink, invitations, favors, and potentially seating, transportation, and accommodation considerations.
- Venue Vision (5 minutes): Discuss your dream venue type. Do you envision:
- An intimate restaurant (30-50 guests)
- A boutique hotel or garden (50-100 guests)
- A standard ballroom or venue (100-150 guests)
- A large reception hall (150+ guests)
- Experience Exchange (5 minutes): Discuss the type of experience you want:
- Connecting individually with each guest (suggests smaller count)
- Creating an energetic celebration (suggests larger count)
- Having meaningful conversations (suggests moderate count)
- Maintaining certain cultural or family traditions (may require specific numbers)
Round 4: The Trimming Game (10 minutes)
Together
- Category Challenge (10 minutes): Return to your merged list and challenge yourselves to trim:
- 10% from your "Must-Have VIPs" (the hardest cut!)
- 25% from your "Important Supporting Cast"
- 50% from your "Supporting Ensemble"
- 75% from your "Would Be Nice" Extras
- This exercise helps identify who truly needs to be present for your celebration. Remember, you can always celebrate with others before or after the wedding!
Final Round: Decision Time (5 minutes)
Together
- The Magic Number Declaration: Based on your exercises, declare your target guest count range (e.g., 75-85 guests).
- Plus/Minus Rule: Agree on a "flexibility zone" (usually ±10%) to accommodate unexpected situations.
Your Guest List Success Scorecard
At the end of this exercise, you should have:
- Agreed target guest count range: ________ to ________
- Preliminary A-list (definite invites): ________ people
- Preliminary B-list (if space allows): ________ people
- Identified potential family expectations to manage
- Established your guiding principle for guest decisions
- Calculated your approximate per-guest budget: R_______
Bonus Achievement: If you completed this exercise without major disagreement, congratulate yourselves! You've navigated one of the trickiest parts of wedding planning.
Next Steps:
- Share your approximate number with key family members who may have input
- Research venues that accommodate your guest count comfortably
- Begin collecting addresses for your preliminary A-list
- Consider whether you'll allow plus-ones and for which categories of guests
- Set a timeline for finalizing your guest list (typically 3-4 months before the wedding)
Remember that your guest list will likely evolve somewhat as you continue planning, and that's completely normal. The goal isn't a perfect number set in stone, but rather a thoughtful approach to surrounding yourselves with the people who matter most on your special day.